10 secrets to loving yourself the way you deserve to be loved

Loving yourself is something we have never been given permission to do. Especially women. We have been taught to need to ensure that everyone else is loved and cared for and to not even take time to think about putting ourselves first. There are very good reasons why it is important to love ourselves first and foremost. You cannot give what you don't have. We can all perform the actions of being a great partner, a loving wife, a doting mother and a dedicated friend. We can play roles because as Shakespeare said "All the world's a stage". However when that doesn't make us happy and when we don't find satisfaction and deep contentment, this signals the time for change.

When we love ourselves, and we understand why we can and should do that, we can then more easily pass on an authenticity in lovingness to all those around us. If we love because we have been taught to, rather than to genuinely experience this from the heart we can never feel fulfilled.

10 ways to Love yourself the way you deserve to be loved

1. Affirmations. Tell yourself that you are lovable, loving and deserved to be loved. You don't have to wait until you are perfect in weight, looks, dress, profession or any other reason. The reason is because you are here right now and that is enough. You are the only 'you' in the entire universe - completely unique, special and worth loving. Look into your eyes in the mirror and say you are worthy to be loved. You may find this difficult at first. Your mind will bring up 100 reasons why this is not so. Ignore this. Continue to do this for at least 21 days. Write it on your bedroom mirror so you remember to do it.

2. Treat yourself. Buy yourself flowers, a beautiful ring, that special dress you've been waiting to get, the new car. Don't wait for others to get it for you. It may come at a price, and one you are not willing to pay. If you get it for yourself, you don't have to waste time on unnecessary thinking about obligations, what you need to do to repay and so on. You can use that time to notice that you begin to feel good about yourself more and more. You might be pleasantly surprised to find this is very refreshing.

3. Increase your love capacity. The more loving you are to yourself the more your inner love volume will grow. You will find your heart reaching out to love others more and more. Where as you may have a had a limit on the number of people you can love at any one time, you will find yourself being more loving to friends and others without any expectation only just because you can.

4. Be healthy. Don't put off taking care of your health. Think long term. Take time especially to eat healthily. Your body will be grateful. Food is one of those things that doesn't have short term impact. Later in life your body reflects the food choices you made earlier. Just like teeth. Teeth will take a long time to decay and once it's lost it's gone permanently. Take some time out to do some research on the foods which are best for your body.

5. Make a point of looking good. When you feel good, you feel more confident. This does not mean to plaster your face with make-up. It is about looking in a way that you feel good. The same as when your hair is clean and looking the way you like. If you make a point of getting up in the morning, take your shower or bath, and make yourself ready for the day so you feel good, you are then ready for whatever the day may bring. If the unexpected occurs you are ready and you can go with the flow - which often brings the best experiences.

6. Don't wait. You don't have to have a special occasion to celebrate. Imagine choosing to celebrate just because you can. You can choose where you would like to go, with whom you want to go with and at whichever time suits you. The feeling of freedom in celebrating your life in this way is indescribable. It's thinking out of the box (whatever that box is) and will encourage you to give yourself permission to continue to think out of the box.

7. Take time out. Doing the things you love is very important. Of course loving and taking of others is a very worthwhile thing to do and very necessary. It is important though to take time to pamper yourself, take time to be alone, go for a walk in the park, along the beach, reading that book or magazine and anything that you can do just for you and nobody else. You were not born to endlessly serve friends, family, husband, boyfriend, wife, girlfriend and children and this will take up most of your life anyway. Make sure at least once a week you partake in an activity just for you.

8. Get creative. Similar to the above idea, taking time to do something creative can feel soooo good. No matter what it is. Some people never take up childhood hobbies that they were once good at. You may even find a budding skill that is not only enjoyable but can turn into something bigger. Perhaps even a future career where you will feel joyful and more fulfilled.

9. Unconditional self acceptance. You were not born perfect. You came into the world with imperfections. Yet we somehow believe in perfect human beings even though they do not exist. We are, however, perfect in our imperfections. If you make a mistake, or feel like you have done some wrong, see if you can rectify it. If not forgive yourself and move on. The value is in the learning. Life is short and more so the older you become. Feeling good about yourself is the key to so many other good things in your life.

10. We never know how long we are going to be on this planet. If this was your last day on Earth what would you be saying to yourself? Would you be patting yourself on the back and saying to yourself 'You've done a great job?' or would you be feeling regret about all the things that you didn't do? This is why they say don't put off tomorrow what you can do today. If there are things that you would like to say to those around you say them while you are still here. None of us has a 'get out of death' clause. We will all leave at some point. Better to experience the benefits of self love before you are no longer able to.